Grateful

OK so its safe to say that everybody doesn't like at least one thing about themselves. We sure do go on about it as well, some will try and accomplish goals so that they feel near to 'perfect' and some will just accept how they are. I certainly know what I wish I had and that it would give me more confidence. I always make scenarios of what if I did have what I wanted then everything would be better. It doesn't mean that it will bring you total happiness. Sometimes its the imperfections which brings two people together, I suppose it makes you more genuine compared to someone who thinks that there wonderful and are gods gift.


I say this because although I feel down at times about things I wish I could have, I cannot of asked more from my family. I am so lucky to have the family which I do. Over the years me and my 21 year old brother have been driven closer. OK so I can't tell him everything, cos when Ive done that b4 it hasn't gone down well (boys) but I know he's there to talk and to help me out if I need him. That's the beauty of having an older brother, they're so protective, but its kind of nice. I definitely miss him and I know he misses me as he's regularly contacting me and saying 'loveyou' which at home he would just be like bugger off.


The majority of my friends say I wish I had your mum and dad. I'm always like why?! but when I look at some of my friends families and others in general I do believe that I am so lucky. They always want the best for me, attended everything I joined and would always let me go on holiday or trips so I don't miss out. I never take advantage of them, I hate borrowing money cos it makes me feel guilty. Like this whole uni student loan not being able to cover, makes me feel so awful but I always think to myself how proud I made them when I got in. They always say how happy they are with me, and also let me know when there disappointed. They email me nearly everyday at uni and send me surprise letters and gifts through the post which I love. I know for sure it was hard for my parents to let me go to uni, they were very nervous and dad says he worries all the time about me.


Just so grateful for the family I have, when I compare myself to others. Some people have single parents, parents which have died, really bad money issues or just a standard family in Africa. I am so lucky compared to other people and I wish I could help everyone out.


I miss them <3

A great year ahead...

I have a great year ahead of me and looking forward to it so much.


My work experience is now set, just need to finalise some dates but I get to experience working in a newspaper and get the opportunity to go back to the magazine I worked on when I was 16. I always get nervous of the thought of meeting professionals in the sector in which I wish to enter in to, but at the end of the day that's why they call it work experience...'its an experience', I'm there to learn and its fine if I mess up. I know that at the end of it I will want to go back and it will look good for later on in my degree :)


I have numerous holidays/trips that I am going on with my friends. Yeah its going to cost but I shall think about that when I come to book it. I feel a well deserved break is needed, haven't gone on holiday for a while because things have cropped up, so this shall be a nice, relaxing break to spend with the close ones and reflect on life.


Paris and New York with the magazine journalism kids. Wow I nearly pee a little everytime I think of me with my beret and camera taking endless amounts of photos in the gorgeous cities. Been to the two places before, but they are the places which are most famous for fashion, tourists, and do great publishing. Could visit there 100 times and it wouldn't get boring.


All I need now is a job, but its not like I'm not trying. I've signed up to things online, applied for jobs and handed out CVS, so now its all about waiting patiently until some0one comes and gives me a job. I know theres not much out there, and money is getting an issue but I know I've tried so that's all good for me :)

Confused.

Feeling pretty confused right now. Don't know where I stand. I wish I had more confidence to just say how I feel, but thats never going to happen. The lack of confidence I thought I had, has just been knocked. I hope when I eventually get the courage to say how I feel, it all works out the way I want it. </3

Feeling down...

Woke up feeling really down today, ever since I got an email from my friend, who I used to class as my best friend. I do really miss her, but I doubt we'd ever be as close as we were, she got too caught up with her appearance and boys and decided to just start hanging out with girls from her hometown, who quite frankly are dollies. Shame really as we'd been best friends for 7/8years and had gone on a holiday most years and gone through many shit times together from family deaths to divorces. But most importantly had the best times with her. People say why do you have photos of her in your room...because they are/were great memories I had and never going to forget them! So I guess when I got the email last night it bought back them memories when she mentioned them and just wish I could go back to it, but I gave her endless chances.


I feel theres something else which is putting me down but I can't put my finger on it.. I'd just rather be at home right now in Tewkesbury. I guess I'm going back in a couple of weeks but my best friends will all be back at uni, so I cant speak to them properly about it.


:(



Rihanna-Take a bow

Love love love Rihanna!! Definitely my favourite artist :)
Would love to go and see her in concert but the tickets sell out fast and are pretty expensive in the first place. Might have to start hinting to the parents now.

This video reminded me of this lad who's messing one of my close friends around-Amy. GRRR! Shame I don't know what to believe now, as he seemed so genuine in the first place, guess they show their true colours in the end....

The world means everything to me, and you are my world
... I Love You <3

Last night was somewhat eventful...

OK so I didn't have much of a productive day yesterday as I woke up at 2:30-oops! That's the latest I've ever woken up, I'm always an early bird. Being back at uni has put my body clock back to where it was the previous term...gonna be a struggle when I start to have the early morning lectures. You do the usual when you wake up, check facebook, get a glass of water and then basically just sit there all day on your laptop listening to music. Typical teenager. So that was a little boring but I was too sleepy to care.


Then my flatmate sent me a link for 'trekamerica'. It's basically a 21day tour by coach of a number of states of America and you spend 1-2 days on each one. The link looked amazing and I'm excited already, were planning on doing it after our 3rd year as thatl be a nice ending to the degree. Since going to New York with my family, I have always wanted to go back. It was such a great experience and I got to go to places which I had seen on TV and it was just an all round great experience. My dad booked many surprises when we were out there such as a limo waiting for us outside the airport taking us to our Times Square Hotel and a helicopter ride over all the skyscrapers, which included Ellis Island where the Statue of Liberty is. There was another one but I can't remember now lol. I get to go back in November with the course I'm doing so thatl be great too, as Ive met some amazing friends here, so getting to go there with them too will be awesome :D


It's strange how me and my flatmate think, literally its scarily similar. If were not saying things at the same time, I'm thinking it and she will just say it, or the other way round. So when she sent me this link, I was like yay someone can come on my dream holiday too with me!


Was watching Shutter Island last night with my two flatmates (good film btw) and then ofc gossip girl afterwards-standard! ;) I got a text off my ex saying he's missing me, so ofc I'm gonna say I miss him too back (which I do). Then he went on to say that he went for a walk with his mum and basically expressed all his feelings for me to her. He mentioned that he truly loves me, that he's never felt like this about anyone, he wishes he could have me but it's impossible and that he just feels that life is treating him unfairly. I thought that was very sweet as I feel exactly the same, but one problem I'm single and he's not.


I know he's not doing it in a spiteful way to hurt his gf, because he really isn't like that. He says it in a friendly way at first, but then he goes into it more and gets caught up in it all. His gf is lovely, she goes to my gym and my ex best friend used to go out with her brother, so I knew her b4 him anyways. He would never cheat because we've both been in them situations b4 and it just isn't right and fair, and when I go and see him he never tries to crack onto me. I can tell he wants to and he says he wants to, but he never will.


Rant over sorry, just had to express myself as it was abit of a random text, and the fact he spoke to his mum about me is all abit like wow. He says I don't realise how much he likes me, and I think that's probably true...


Next event (haha) my friend who lives in halls. This is just confusing haha! We text and speak on fb like were seeing each other, or if not that then a lil more than friends. I go and see him and I make sure that he makes the first move so I know where I stand, and that I don't embarrass myself. He's constantly flirting with me, touching my leg, looks at me in the way he wants to kiss me but I pretend I don't notice until he makes the first move. Every time I've gone to his he's kissed me etc so I guess if he didn't find me attractive or didn't like me he wouldn't do that... who knows...


He invited me out to Wahoo last night but I didn't go, cos I promised my friend a DVD night and domino's, and its always sisters b4 misters! Although he's really lush and just a lovely person, no doubt they'll screw you over later on! I said no i cant sorry, and he kept going on at me too, but then he texted me on his night out. I mean if someones on a night out and they text you the whole time that's gotta say something surely?! Like I know girls text alot when there out, but I find boys are a different story... Anyways he invited me round, and we flirted and watched the inbetweeners, and we spoke about lots of things. We just feel so comfortable round each other, and I noticed that he remembers the lil things. Like when we were in the common room and he said that he can remember seeing me, and that his mate offered me Doritos, where I live, convos we've had, mentioning to friends..it did make me smile :) Then he got a text off someone when I was around, and he was like is that you...and I said don't think so. So he must text me quite abit if he thought it was me, and the fact that every time I go round to his that he never gets a text... He also wanted me to stay last night and he kept randomly kissing me loads and said that he loved kissing me and kept squeezing me and hugging me :) :) ....Then he fell asleep HAHAHAHA


I don't know it seems like he's interested one minute and then the next he isn't. I shall see how it goes, if it doesn't progress I don't mind, I just want to be his friend as he is such a lovely person :)


AMEN LOL

Hey There Deliah lyrcis by Plain White Ts.

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true


Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side


Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me


Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good


Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all


Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me


A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame


Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you


Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.


It's one of those songs which you have on your ipod but never really remember what the lyrics say about it. My ex but also one of my best friends, sent me a text one day saying that he heard this song at work and the interview with the Plain White T's and thought of me. Immediately I checked out the lyrics and it made me smile, I now have them pinned up on my uni wall to remember the special moments in which we shared, and that he is always going to be there for me. I couldn't of asked for anyone better!


Me moving away from all my friends and family was hard but esp him, we have gone through alot together from hearsay to him discovering that he had Cronze disease, and him thinking that I wouldn't want to be with him...that was heartbreaking. He texts me daily and we have regular phone calls, were desperate to stay in touch for the future. I'm so comfortable around him and tell him everything, some things which I can't share with anyone else.


I wish he could live in Southampton with me because then I would have the perfect life.

Ant (Amy) and Dec (me)

We're so alike

My first blog

I have finally got round to getting myself a blog, I have now got no excuses not to keep this updated. It's a good thing to have for looking back on and for the journalism career I wish to go into. How exciting.